Your Relationships Begin With You

As a single male in my mid - twenties, I find myself consciously and
unconsciously thinking about and searching for that special someone. My
goal has always been to be friends with my future wife for at least a
year, date for a year, engaged for a year, which includes being married
by the time I'm thirty.

This goal may seem far - fetched and I admit it is, so I'm open to altering
it. I know what I want in a future spouse ( I think ) and I definitely know
what I don't want. But the older I get, the more I realize that the
challenge to find someone who fits what I want and what I don't want
seems like " mission: impossible. " My petulance steps in which seems to
prolong my wait to meet this future wife of mine.

Occasionally, I reflect on the thought that she is out there sequentially so
I wonder what she is doing at that very moment and if she is thinking of
me. As much as I am actively trying to find someone, I'm reminded by my
friends how they found their special someone when they were least
expecting to. I have to remind myself and know that God will introduce me
to her and reveal who she is when we are both ready.

So does that mean I'm not ready? I think I am, but at times I have my
doubts. Maybe she isn't ready, which could mean that she is doing
something to better herself for our relationship. I'll always go back to
the question of if I'm ready or not. How will I know? I believe the
answer lies in how I respond to the alongside questions:

I ask myself if I'm financially ready. Who is? I graduated college a
couple of years ago and have current went through two vocation changes and
I have been laid off. Needless to say, my checkbook is nowhere forthcoming where
I want it to be, I won't even adduce credit cards. So I need to think
more about saving for my future, buying a house, and paying off some
bills. After all, I don't want to drag her into my debt and spending
habits. I know that I need to better myself in regards to finances.

I ask myself, am I physically fit and attractive? The honest answer is
that I'm not in as good of shape as I'd like to be and beauty is in the
conjecture of the beholder. I know I need to join a gym, look online for
articles about cooking healthier for bachelors, and watch how many times
I go out to eat. What is a better motivator to working out besides
looking good for yourself and gaining that confidence, than wanting to
look good for your significant other? After all, I assumption my wife is
attracted to me as I am to her.

I ask myself, am I quick? With a college degree I think so, until I watch
shows like Jeopardy or play chuck games with friends and I understand that I
still have a lot to learn. I am thinking of going back to school. After
all, I want my wife to think I'm intelligent.

I ask myself if I'm in the spiritual situation with Maker that I want to be. Do
I pop in church every week? Do I read the Bible each day? Am I asking
more from God than I am thanking Him during prayer? Am I a good example
for others and am I teaching them about God? After all, I hope my future
wife and I can pray together and maybe take a leadership role in a youth
group.

I ask myself, am I happy as an individual? A relationship can bring
happiness and fill the void of being alone, but should I put that burden
on my future wife? If you are comfortable being yourself, being happy
alone and don't need someone, that is a step in the right direction. I
believe that needing someone to fill a void and wanting someone to fill a
void are two entirely different things. This is why your relationships
begin with you. After all, if you don't love yourself, then how do you
expect someone else to?

" Happiness depends upon ourselves " ~ Aristotle

When you fulfill the above aspects of your life to an acceptable extent -
since watch out, your future spouse may just be at the emblematic bookstore, in
the gym, at church, at work, at school, or at the bank. I don't expect to
be able to accomplish each of these things in the next four years, but I
will always strive to do so. After all, I hope she will always strive to
do the same. And most of all, I hope we will stay to strive to do
these things together!

Chad J. Bring is a rising author who just published his first novel,
"Left Standing" in addition to co - writing a screenplay for an independent
film through theirRoomMate Productionsfilm production company.